Mouth and Brain - A Visit ( Part 2)

Note: I would recommend you to read the short intro at, An Introduction, before you read this post

The smaller mouths sit together and start wondering: what do we do ?
Brains tend to be very conscious and shy when alone. Mouths very well knew this fact and this awareness pushed them deeper into abyss. As they were wondering thus, an Intelligent Mouth stands out and blares aloud "Rather than making a single Brain speak, which will definitely result in stuttering, let us identify a group".
Crowd( of Mouths) : Yes, Yes,No, Yes, No.....
Amongst the assembled Mouths most of them scream "Yes" and the other "No". After all what can Mouths do? they agree or argue( both the actions without giving a thought)
Intelligent Mouth(tries to put forth a case) : The group would be confident enough to speak rather than a single Brain.
Another Mouth( from the crowd) : How will you chose the group?
Intelligent Mouth: We will divide the Brains into teams and conduct a competition.
Another Mouth : Ok, will Brains agree to this?
Intelligent Mouth: We will promise awards to the best team and also offer recognition before the White Mouths
Another Mouth: Even after this will they be ready to speak before those glaring white Mouths.
Intelligent Mouth: Now, shut up and stop thinking.Behave like a Mouth. I will pull the Brains
With this Mouths keep mum and end the turbulence of thought there and then.
As soon as the intelligent wash-once Mouth utters the word "award" Brains start budging and when hey hear the word recognition they take the bait. Brains dream of recognition and never get one and that too recognition before alien Mouths sounded more than marvelous. Our intelligent Mouth explains the scheme of things to select the best group of Brains to present before the wash-twice urbane Mouths.Brains marshal all their energies, form groups as suggested by our intelligent Mouth and start practicing to talk but words are hard to come by. Even if they come they are sporadic. In this sporadic splashes of words Brains chose a group which is a little better than rest of the groups.This group, trained by small wash-once Mouths perform before the loud Mouths, but these Brain's talkative best is no where near a Loud Mouths drunken drool. Needless to say, Brains fail. Now, small Mouths are burning under the stare of louder and larger Mouths. The larger mouths make their Mouth even larger to swallow the smaller Mouths. Before something fatal happens an old veteran Brain comes with a performance enhancement idea, you could even call it an optimization. The veteran suggests the young inexperienced Brains to wear masks and give their performance and reasons out saying that Brains feel secure when their identity is not revealed. How correct after all it is Mouths' job to crave for identity and not Brains. Brains are better left anonymous .Even this optimization does not yield satisfactory results. All the Mouths small and larger start to worry alike. All turn to the veteran Brain which is famous for dishing out Mouths and Brains from ditch. Our hero the old Bains suggests to drop the very idea of performance and warns of consequences.But Mouths do not bother for the Brain and ask our intelligent Mouth what could be done.
intelligent Mouth( visibly irritated): Let this scumbags invite those white swines to the dinner.
Another Mouth: No not a sentence we want the Brains to perform a drama as we initially thought.
Brains listen attentively to the conversation for their interest to learn words
intelligent Mouth: What shit of a drama? If anything goes wrong we are all f*****.
Other mouths have no choice and agree. The Mouths come up with the sentence of "Dinner is ready. We cooked a duck for you. You also have white wine to drink". And, this stays final till the moment Brains utter the words.
The destined day arrives. The wash-once Mouths, large and small, together invite the wash-twice Mouths and ask for a few words.But the whitish Mouths sit down only after they drain their tongues of the last bit of moisture. The wash-once Mouths applaud the aliens' eloquence and at the same time beam with exuberance to surprise these urbans. It is time for Mouths to eat and time for Brains to invite them. Needless to say the group of talkative Brains feel out of place before the aliens. Their practice to speak failed them with their memories . Brains forget what they have to speak. One starts stammering followed by the other.In their struggle to recollect Brains put words in wrong places and make up the words they have forgotten, with the words they have heard the wash-once Mouths used. And they turn to the whitish wash-twice Mouths and shout in union.We have **cked a duck for you and you white SWINE also have to drink. The readers know what would follow, but still I would tell you, people saw the wash-twice Mouths chasing the indigenous Mouths and Brains to gulp them for the matter of honor.

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Mouth and Brain - A Visit ( Part 1)

Note: I would recommend you to read the short intro at, An Introduction, before you read this post

Mouths that wash themselves once a day were visited by Mouths which are intelligent enough to wash themselves twice a day. Don't ask me why. i told you right these are intelligent Mouths and they are aware of the fact that Mouths stink. So they disinfect themselves twice a day once after they get up from sleep and other time just before going to sleep. In a way you can call these glistening white Mouths "urbane" and "non-indigenous".
Preparations were on for perhaps a month now to receive wash-twice Mouths. Smaller wash-once Mouths were joined by bigger and louder wash-once Mouths.The Month turned into a week and now you could see Mouths everywhere.I wonder how all of a sudden so many Mouths came into a being but who am I to wonder it happened and so it remains. Brains were left out of this hungama but somehow they got a wind of it from a loose Mouth. First they were happy that they were left out of this would be fish market, what else would happen when louder and bigger Mouths are joined by cleaner and cleared Mouths? Obvious isn't it. But slowly the Brains started feeling that they were being denied the meat. Brains brooded and brooded over again. Few intelligent Brains tried to convince the others that "this is not their kind of thing and it is better if Brains stay out of it" but as you know good advice always falls on a deaf ear and when, even among those who think, majority behave foolish there is nothing minority, who have their thoughts in place, could do. All that the minority could do was to stay clear.Loud and Large Wash-once Mouths, noticing the enthusiasm of the Brains, decided to cash on it. These big Wash-Once Mouths ordered the smaller Wash-once Mouths to tame the Brains into speaking, speaking without a stammer or a stutter.Would it be possible for a Brain designed to be dumb to do this ? If it really happens wouldn't it be amazing?And, by pulling of this near impossible fete our Wash-once Mouths wanted to flaunt their skills before the visiting, Intelligent-Brush-twice Mouths. Well let us see how it turns out.

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Mouth and Brain - what becomes what

Note: I would recommend you to read the short intro at, An Introduction, before you read this post

Into the 10th day of its inception my blog has earned a comment and also a follower. I feel encouraged, who wouldn't be? I begin the days blog with a thank you note to the critic and the follower.
It is post recession time and we are recruiting. That is not the only reason, of course, Mouth's stupidity has gone from bad to worse. Mouth is now as bad as a mad, drunken and mortally hurt monkey with the strength of a bull. Mad monkey with a bull's strength and Dolby Digital output. Simply put Mouth lost all its cognitive capabilities and talking sh** to everybody. This is earning trouble for Sree. Then, what did Sree do? he followed his Brain's suggestion and recruited more Brains to harness this Mouth. Why can't he do away with the Mouth instead of recruiting more Brains? You know- experience - Mouth has a lot of experience. It was there right through with Sree. It grew with Sree, takes food which Brain earns and talks for Sree. For these functions Sree has to pay for its stupidity with sympathy. With sympathy for stupidity ? Ridiculous isn't it ? But very true, Mouths cannot "move" or "change". Once they are there with a body they are there for life.Nobody knows that what Sree has for the Mouth is sympathy. Even our intelligent Brains are unaware of this fact. Brains think and talk among themselves about the privileges the Mouth enjoys. I have heard Brains saying " How beautiful it must have been to be a Mouth- talk something all day, read out reports and cascade information to Brains ". Even more dangerous, I heard Brains saying" I wish I were a Mouth doing nothing but to sit, asking Brains to think, work and prepare reports which I could present ". What a fatal thought, the very idea of a Brain transforming into a Mouth sends shrills down my spine.
Brains, Brains that do not change bodies, over time become lazy and old enough to earn Sree's sympathy. Sree does not throw out old Brains, with a loyalty tag pinned to their shoulders he makes them Mouths -Mouths to boss over young Brains. These young Brains in turn would become Mouths under the veteran Mouths. And at the current rate Sree will certainly have 20 Mouths by the time he is 60.
Some facts about Mouths :
1. Resources consumed by 1 average aged Mouth can be used to run 3 young gem of a Brains
2. N Number of Mouths put together do work of 1 mouth because all the Mouths, 1 to N, do the same piece of work to be N*100% sure
3. After all this still Mouths talk about resource utilization and bore brains to death.
What a waste of resources to have 20 Mouths, isn't it ?
When I state these facts to Sree he says " I am growing big so is the number of Mouths" and calls me a stupid for thinking thus.Hmm, you would shortly know who is who. Will you keep an old erratic monitor out of sympathy and add processors to compensate? If your processor becomes old and stops working will you make it your monitor? Will a computer ever have 20 monitors?
I hope you got the analogy.Sree, it is time you grow up. Don't add resources and change their roles just like that. Understand?

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Mouth meet Brain move - Ha Ha

Note: I would recommend you to read the short intro at, An Introduction, before you read this post

Mouths are born only to speak and Brains are born to be dumb. Mouths whenever they feel bored assemble the Brains for a meeting. Brains, though least interested in the meetings cannot voice their concern because firstly because they are dumb and secondly they are afraid that they will be denied food which comes into the body through Mouths.There might be many questions here, like, can the Mouths really stop food from reaching the Brains? Brains argue yes because Mouths can refuse to take any food, but little they know that if this happens the body dies and brainy brains are always transplanted to another body and in exceptional cases can become display pieces in museums. Brains find it difficult to digest the thought of moving to another body, and they say they are loyal to the body and cannot move out of it which has given them food for so long. But there are brains which really move out into another body. We are not interested in Brain-Body relationship so let us leave it and go to the Brain and Mouth encounters.
Coming back to the meetings now.
Mouths call for meetings and disturb the functioning Brains. In these encounters Mouths talk about every incident in the name of updates. They gather irrelevant pieces of information and make it more irrelevant. Brains get bored in the due course and doze off to sleep in the middle of such encounters. To wake up the Brains one dynamic Mouth cracks a banal joke which reeks like a fermented banana peel. The other Mouths laugh their guts out for the 10th time in ten consecutive meetings because Mouths do not have storage to store information and every day they are as fresh as day one. But poor brains they know that they have been listening to the same joke for over a decade now and give a smirk of these-fellows-never-change. This smirk is considered a mark of success and Mouths go on and on till his wagging tongue goes dry. One mouth goes dry and the other begins. This goes on and on till the neighborhood is as dry as a desert with not a drop of water.
After all this "drunken" ( I meant water drunk) ramblings, the Brains are asked to ask questions. Can they? There will be a blessed few which could. And, when Brains ask questions they are bound to be logical, because logic is what Brains thrive on. Mouths dodge the questions with tact, they use all their proficiency and come up with the words like " not at this point of time", "we can take this up offline", " we are considering this ", " we do not have sufficient information". When a question shoots up that cannot be shot down with any of these phrases the true nature of the Mouths come out. The guarded diplomacy degrades into phrases of "If I buy a dog who wears the collar", " If I employ a driver who decides the salary", " If I stop eating who will suffer".
Brains understand and record for the umpteenth time that "Mouths are like this", and some go ahead and wish for a transplant - a change into another body. A simple meeting has its hazardous consequences which Mouths will never understand, will they? Now I hope you understood the title!!!

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December Evening - A Mouth and Brain Drama

Note: I would recommend you to read the short intro at, An Introduction, before you read this post

December never failed me, it never fails me and it would never fail me. For those of you who think I am dramatizing I should love to remind that drama is a literary form though seldom used now. And with those of you who accuse me of excessive December dramatization I beg to differ.Simply put I love December and it loves me , it is my first perpetual love perhaps. I apologize my beloved but I certainly cannot take my words back about December.
Enough is enough. What makes me go crazy? What makes me think like this? Hmm... I had a wonderful day. First a very pleasant weekend meeting which ended on an encouraging note, it could have very well ended up being otherwise. Then a party - call it a new year party, birth day party or a kitty party- never mind but the fact is I was fed for free :) thanks to the sponsors! I know people would be gearing up with vengeance to devour me and my pocket with a fierce glee for all I have said and done today but that is a story for another day. But Sree doesn't back off guys up for it any day.
Something exalted me to an excited state and held me there. Was it just the free lunch, na or was it the taste of the food again naaa (this time a bigger naa). I eat food every day and almost I relish every morsel of it. Yes, I think I am close this time it must be the ambiance, "Periya" ambiance( frens pardon me if I have messed up with the word "big" in Tamil I used it for nativity's sake ;) ) it neither was moonlit nor was chrome light lit, it was a luncheon in broad daylight and of course like every other hotel it had a couple of chandeliers, I did not get a chance to notice if they were lit at all as I was busy, busy firstly with food and secondly with pulling people's legs I do not mean literally as I did not get a chance to get under the table. Then what ?I am cogitating, I am searching my brain hem and haw...
If I were excited, if ever my heart skipped a beat out of excitement how, how on earth should my brain know why my heart skipped a beat? But it should know that is how it has to be. And, don't ask me why, Q & A session ends here read on if you want to know why.

My mouth asked my brain did we? did we analyze why this heart skipped several beats today?
BRAIN( designed to be DUMB) : Sir it could be that Heart is handling huge traffic...
MOUTH(Born to barge and blabber) : So ?
BRAIN: Sir so it could be a capacity issue or it could be that it is built on an old technology.
MOUTH: What bullshit is this ? Heart is designed to handle huge traffic and you brainless Brain- what old technology? Heart is always built on one technology.
BRAIN: Oh! Sorry Sir I never knew it.
Mouth: You better know it, now get back to work and tell me why this fellow is jumping up and down before EOD.
BRAIN: Ok Sir! (acting cheerful as if it were the most pleasant job it ever did).
Now the brain is musing what am I supposed to do - it was clueless - should I go back and ask the Mouth what I should do? No No, the Mouth is mad enough to slash the Brain into two but is generous enough to parcel the first part of it to it's family and the second half to the London museum where it would be displayed right beside Ramanujam's cerebral remains to showcase the theory of antithesis( I mean the exact opposites). This is true, last time during an issue with the Stomach Mouth has promised the Brain exactly this and it in fact is waiting for a delivery slippage. Brain is kind of scared. Forget about the party night tonight now it is a seeming possibility that it would not see the dawn of the new year. Brain tried to fight back its tears, thoughts of its girl friend seeped in and a couple of saline water drops followed the thoughts, Brain wiped them away with the back of its hand. Brain made up its mind, I meant it made up itself to see the new year with its girl friend. Suddenly the thought of its girl friend gave it a superb idea, after all girlfriends are useful. I appreciate the Brain for doing a good R&D but who am I to appreciate, The mouth is walking into the corridor, it has turned the corner.
MOUTH: Brain, Where are we on the issue. ?
BRAIN( it was stammering) : SSSSSir...
MOUTH: Did we make any progress with the analysis?
BRAIN( it was shivering with fear) : Sir, I habe, I Hape, I has, I, I..
MOUTH: What I ? Bulls Eye ? I think time has come to fulfill my promise, Secretary get me a pocket knife and two envelopes, 1 local , 1 international. I want to parcel this bloody Brain.
SECRETARY: Sir we do not have local and international in envelopes, and if you mean international parcel we do not have enough budget to accommodate in our bandwidth..
BRAIN( again stammering): Sir, I Nailed...
Brains were never made to speak, if only they could... hmm.
SECRETARY: And, I could get a blade if you want instead of a pocket knife.
MOUTH( not paying attention to Brain now): WTF, use your December month's salary for getting this equipment or cost cutting would begin right now with your job.
SECRETARY: SSSir, would it be reimbursed?
MOUTH: Don't ask me all that, if you are not with the idea put your papers right now or you are fired..
BRAIN( finally managing to break in ): Sir I have done the analysis and the issue is not with us.
MOUTH: What do you mean? You better be right or it would be two under the wheels of cost cutting.
BRAIN: Sir, Sree went to a lunch today and ...
MOUTH( with the bad habit of never letting others complete): I know I went along with him and he appreciated me for helping him gulp huge morsels of food down the throat. 28 th appreciation this month I missed two owing to the stupid stomach which could not digest what I swallowed and...
Mouth stops to take a short breath and Brain plunges in
BRAIN: Sree's girl friend was there at the lunch and we noticed similar heart skipping phenomenon when she was around in the past.
MOUTH( relenting a little ): But, but the heart skips a beat whenever there is a beautiful input from the eyes.
Then Mouth passes a moment willing to discuss.
BRAIN( grabs the opportunity): Sir the one we noticed today is constant beat by beat skipping but in all other cases Heart skips a single beat.
Mouth: Hmm.
BRAIN( trying to sound confident): And have a look at this excel sheet Sir, notice the patterns it agrees with our analysis.
MOUTH: But we had a similar anomaly when eyes scanned that beautiful gal whose cheeks redden when she smiles... and look this is the item I was talking about.
BRAIN ( trying to be diplomatic and not hurting the Boss's ego): Agreed Sir, but out of 2 million odd occurrences since Sree's birth this is one of occurrence and this aberration happened only once that too the first time Sree saw her and never again.Interestingly Sree was hospitalised on that very evening with bruises and external injuries which carried a hint of domestic violence.
MOUTH: Yeah, I reported this issue when Sree's girl friend was around and what a terrible day f we had I remember all the Front End applications were beaten to pulp that day and Sree could not take any input for whole of a week.
BRAIN: Then on the number of single beat skips have reduced drastically and I heard everybody say that the credit goes to you.
MOUTH( with all humbleness): Yeah! but not without damage, you see a serious cut on my upper lip don't you.
BRAIN( to impress his boss): War Marks, Yes Sir it is quite perceptible.
MOUTH( impressed) : My application was the first and worst targeted! It was after this incident we recruited you for filtering harmful "DATA" and generating reports to avoid such incidents.
BRAIN( To hell with excel sheet): I feel privileged, I will do my best.
MOUTH( feeling proud) : Of Course it is I who recommended you for this job of providing me with safe inputs to otput. We have to process information properly when Sree's girl friend is around.
BRAIN( happy with himself): Yes Sir we would.
MOUTH: Good! Enough for a day go and enjoy this new year eve...
BRAIN( starts before Mouth completes, often bad habits are contagious): Thank you sir.
Mouth: And do not forget to take your production mobile with you, SEV1s are imminent today as we expect Sree to dine out with his girl friend . "Traffic" is huge and you never know with this Heart. If that happens I have to report it and I need you to prepare that report. If anything goes wrong "we" will not have food to chew and hospitals would be real full on a new year eve.
Brain wonders why Mouths can't stay shut and answers itself that if not for this very Mouth it would have been still unemployed. ( No money, No girl friend, No party, So SAD!)
BRAIN( says to himself My foot, Food crazy bugger): Yes sir I would take the mobile with me.

Root cause of the excitement was... err, Yes my girlfriend came along to the lunch and I fled early from the office with her to exclaim how splendid this December Evening was! It was a splendid evening indeed - sea breeze, dusky twilight, wide roads, passion bike and a jolly ride to dine right beneath the full moon lit night sky.
I love you December Evening. And, I love you... the name does not need a mention I suppose ;).

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