On the Occasion of friendship day !
>> Sunday, August 1, 2010
Love is a very important part of me. As I say these words I recollect the opening lines of Bertrand Russell's autobiography.More or less he says the same, of course with a slight variation. If not why would he be "himself" and why would I be "myself". That's the end of similarities, I am not delving into details any further.
Right from the days when I knew a little about myself I sought love, dearly. From the advent of my teens I was either having a crush or was having a feeling that somebody likes me. I am putting in some honest thoughts of mine here because 20 years from now when I am not what I am today I still will have a way to know what exactly I was in my teens and early twenties. I no longer have the razor sharp edges which as a teenager I had but I still carry the memories. Some events are afresh in mind as they happened yesterday and some have vaporized as if they never occurred in the first place. Let me account them here.
I remember the days when on a friendship day I bought a rose and a greeting card with few tens of rupees. I remember the act being repeated the next year. I did not know what it was then. After all these years when I must be dismissing them away as ramblings of a teenager, at least after being in a serious relation that is going to materialize in nuptial knots soon, I still value and relish those appetite dropping experiences with an impish grin . I see that most teenagers go through this phase but many are not brazen enough to pursue the madness earnestly. I did chase the the butterflies quite early, though I never had the intentions or guts to catch one, pun intended.Adventures seem extravagant in print and ink, but the amount of trouble I would have got into if something had gone wrong was unimaginably huge and it is evident only now as I type these lines. Once I nearly toppled over the cliff and just hung on in time. Thanks to the good times. Ones who know me might ask what favor I did to myself by clinging on and delaying the inevitable.I can tell you, it would have been too early and a whole lot different. Okay, I will not allude any longer, I will put it plain.
Since the time I have come of age I always craved for company and I scouted for a special companion. A companion who can dare to maintain, with me, the highest degree of transparency possible between two humans; who leaves me alone to rest in the lap of solitude when I please; who never forces her thoughts on me; who loves me as if I were a kite soaring high in the skies.This was possible either with an alter ego or with a person from opposite gender.And, I was never in mood to find an alter ego. That is how even before I knew myself, I realised how my better half should be.It was a writing on the wall that a person like me would fall head over heels in love sooner than later.I say this because my cravings for company conceived from the fact that I spend my time in solitude. In my childhood and early teens isolation was imposed upon me so that I could do good in my academics - this wasn't the only intention though, sometimes I was condemned to isolation. To an extent this had a positive effect on my academics but it had a serious side effect. I started liking solitude and turned an introvert( which still I am). People who know me, a majority at least, would differ with me on this and claim that I socialize well.On the contrary a select few know that I take refuge in solitude and have intense introspective intervals when I burn out. The periods of introspection are so intense that every such time strip gives birth to a fledgling in me.In these ebbs I need somebody who really understands me, right by my side. After much effort I have found one, a remarkable one indeed.
What I am trying to say is, several years earlier right on this day called the Friendship Day I began as an apprentice only to be a veteran now. I started chasing butterflies out of intrigue.I learnt my fundamentals, fundamentals of the complex thing called a girl's mind and what best suited me, at school - very early isn't it ? It was a prelude rather, I would say. And, this early start did pay me off in tonnes.I found what I sought after the most - my love.
This is a honest tribute to her splendid self on the eve of this decade's first friendship day.I do this even after knowing that she doesn't care reading what I write here.
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