My affair with IDs and ID cards - Catharsis and Tears

21st April 2010 : After 2 1\2 years of last time I had tears in my eyes, I wept like a child again. It was my last day at TCS. All through the day, I was a little emotional to leave my friends at TCS and my girl friend, who recently moved into my project. That could be explained, after all "Yeh Dil Hein Yaar Pathar Tho Nahin". But that's not entirely the reason.

After getting all the necessary clearances from library and finance teams, I was asked to submit my ID card to the admin. That is the last step in separation process and after that one had to leave the campus immediately. I went to the admin to do this. When I went to his desk, I saw a pile of empty card holders. I knew my card that stuck to me would meet the same fate. I did not want that to happen. While I was bringing myself together to do this I got a call from my team. They wanted me to join a farewell treat they have planned. I sighed in relief as the ID would be there for some more time with me. I asked the Admin how long he would be available, he said he would be there till 6 PM. The time was 5:15 PM and unless until for an elaborate celebration 45 minutes are good enough. I did not enjoy the treat as adrenaline rushed at the thought of surrendering ID card. I spent the good 45 minutes in the pantry and another 30 minutes meeting my friends for the last time in office. I extended those 45 minutes to 75 minutes only to avoid surrendering the ID card that day and to do it the next even it meant that I had to drive 22 avoidable kilometres to office again. At the end of it, confident that admin person must have left office by then, I went in to confirm if I was right( you know I did not want to take the blame of not finishing things on the same day). I was wrong, he sat there like Lord Yama( for the benefit those who do not know who he is - he is the bestower of death on mortals) ready to take my ID card from me. Left with no choice I gave away my ID card to him and he said " it will be taken care". I felt empty, my mind went blank and a soar lump popped in my throat. On my way down, the security at the lift asked me where my ID card was, I felt my throat choking and words hard to come by, I meekly muttered "I resigned". And, tears swirled in my eyes. I got down from the lift and called my girl friend to come out of the module as I no longer reserve the right to enter it. I found it hard to stop myself and tears rolled down. I remember what she exactly said, " what is this, like a small child".If you know telugu even better then you can translate it as she said this in our mother tongue. In chennai sunsets really late in summer as late as 6:45 PM and it is often bright for a while after that. It was 6:45 PM and you get to see some of the best sunsets from the verandas of Siruseri tech park. I relished them dearly for I love evenings and the orange-pinkish sunsets. Sun was setting over the horizon for the day and Sun was also setting on my days at TCS. That was my last sunset at the IT park and I had every right and reason to be upset. It also entitled me with the pejorative to cry if I liked.

I went to the basement to pick my bike and on my way, to my utter discomfort, was asked about my ID card, again. I fetched my bike, kissed TCS and TCS Siruseri a good bye and started to my home. Once I lost sight of the tech park I worked at, till-then-tears became silent sobs, which I could only smother, though only for a while, and not stop them entirely. I cried for 10 kilometers on my way back home. Initially I tried to fight my tears but realised it was of no use and let myself in to the temptation of catharsis - cleansing, a cleansing that is necessary for any separation that is painful.